Sunday, June 10, 2012

Building an Altar for the Forgetful

Two weekends ago, my family and I had the wonderful opportunity to attend Forest Home Memorial Day Family Camp for the 9th year in a row.  I loved the chance to get away, breathe in the fresh air and be surrounded by God's beauty.  Forest Home is a special place for me as God always speaks to me on that mountain top and it is the place Bruce decided to marry me.  He wrote that moment down in one of the prayer books in the chapel - recorded forever in time.


The weekend was filled with wonderful speaking (from Jim Candy from Menlo Park Presbyterian), beautiful worship (Worship guys from Yorba Linda Friends Church), time spent playing cards with great friends, the lake day with the overly excited kids, lots of time at the Craft Shack to create and time to reflect on the last year.

On Saturday morning, we did a Family Adventure Walk.  While most of the activities are physical challenges, there was one that stood out in my mind that was not.  We built a monument to acknowledge the Lord and how He had answered prayer for us this year.  Of course, there have been many answered prayers.  We used rocks to build our little altar right near the path that we walked up every day that weekend.  The kids enjoyed stacking the rocks and then we each prayed to thank Jesus for bringing Mommy thru cancer, for making me a miracle.  I was blessed each time I saw the monument during our time there.

You might not believe it, but I have recently forgotten all that God has done for me in the last couple of months.  Not that it was completely gone from my memory, more shoved in the back somewhere ("out of my frontal lobe", my kids would say).  With my continuing health journey, I have become weary.  My chemical imbalances (anemia, hormonal, etc.) lead me to a state of depression at times while definitely robbing the "I can do everything" attitude from me.  I often times just want to sit, rest and do nothing.  I lack the motivation of this once called "Energizer Bunny".  Somewhere in the last couple of months, I have lost the grateful, joyful attitude I once had going through cancer.  Just the day to day activities coupled with my lack of energy have really put me at a state of sheer survival.  I wonder how many of you are there or have ever been there.

Being up at Forest Home really helped me stand back and look at everything . . . to remember . . . to be grateful . . . to trust . . . to have hope in the mighty God of the universe.  I found that I desperately wanted a change in my life, but all I really needed to do was give the first part of the morning back to God in the form of time with Him.  He has promised to redeem the time for me.  How easy it was to let go of time with Him in the morning over the last couple of months because I needed my sleep and I simply lacked the motivation.  It is hard for me to stop and hear Him once the day has begun. It just doesn't happen. Kids, activities, laundry, school, anything else fills in the rest of the hours.  For me, my time with the Lord HAS to be in the morning.  Oh, how I have missed Him . . . it feels good to be back in the routine of this again.

I also found that I was worrying. ME??  Yes!  I didn't worry with cancer as much as I have the last couple of months because I am still challenged making cancer cells.  But this constant strain is just a breeding ground for me to wake up in the middle of the night worrying.  For me, all the verses about "Don't be anxious" has not really soothed me.  You know all those verses too, but I tell what verse has stopped me worrying and trusting more.  Eph. 3:20,21  "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"


So for me, "the medical miracle", I have to be honest in this walk I am having.  I know that there must be others out there who have seen God work in their lives, yet forget Him and his great works as the days get long.  Sad for me to say, but I sound like an Israelite wandering the desert.  I do not want to be that person!  So tonight I am grateful for mountain top experience where I can stop . . . reflect . . . and be grateful again.  It feels good to be "back on track"!





1 comment:

  1. Thank you Jeanna! I will keep praying for you as I didn't realize the struggles you were having these past few months. Thank you for blessing us with your transparent call to remembrance!

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