A few weekends ago, my brother's family and mine celebrated my mom's birthday for the fist time without my dad. We ate dinner. opened gifts and affirmed my mom. The kids got to play with their cousins which is a rare treat. We also watched the Academy Awards . . .
I normally don't watch it as I find moments of it distasteful and boring. They seem to always border on offensive and indoctrinating. But inevitably I catch parts of it because I am intrigued as the event planner with the event, the stage, the parties, etc. This year, I thought it was different, enjoyable and funny. Billy Crystal brought back class and humor of an age gone by. I also noticed that each acceptance speech was to only be one minute long. How do you thank everyone in your life in one minute?
I thought back over the last six months and all the people that help me and my family in a time of need. In the moment of those days, I was extremely grateful, but perhaps the whirlwind of events, pain of surgeries and many lost days to my illness washed all of my "thank yous" into the black sea of my memory. I am a "day to day" kind of gal. I live in the moment. I decided that each of us who has had cancer (or any trauma in their life) need the opportunity to give an "Academy Award" speech without a time clock. So here is my acceptance speech for the greatest award to receive - a friend who loves you.
To my love, Bruce, I want to thank you for being a wonderful doting husband. I want to thank you first because "I don't want to run out of time in the end" (that's what Merryl Streep said) nor do I want to put you anywhere but on the top of the list. Bruce was thrown into all of this with me without warning and he did a fabulous job. We had a couple of rough spots that we worked through that indeed has improved our marriage. The things Bruce did are too numerous to count here, but he was loving, kind, accepting, encouraging, helpful and full of grace. I love you and thank you for loving me in spite of me!
The day I found out I had cancer, my first call was to Victoria Sanders, a friend for 17 years. She is my accountability partner, my friend through thick and thin. She was the first one to hear me crying and babbling on the phone since Bruce was not picking up his line at work and my parents were out. She dropped everything and headed to my house. She was there for the first couple days, helping with the kids, keeping the house in order and many times thereafter when I went to doctor appointments. She listened when I would talk, cry or just not know what to say. She planned Danika's birthday party for me just weeks after my double mastectomy and she helped me find my full time help. She prayed endlessly for a miracle for me and God answered her prayer. Thank you Vicky for loving me during this time and rearranging your whole life to be there for me!
Once I found out it was cancer, my sweet surgeon friend, Lisa Fox found me at the hair salon. (Yes, I was in shock and went to get my hair done. Crazy, huh?) We went to lunch and cried. She and her husband John were a support the day I thought I had thyroid cancer too. They came to every medical procedure for support - from the biopsy to my surgery. She is my doctor friend who I could call with medical questions. She helped me take my first shower and treated me to my first pedicure after surgery. She called me daily or texted and came to help so often. I don't know what I would have done without her help! Thank you Lisa for your kind and firm ways to help me through this season in my life!
My dear friend and "sister" Christina Landaas, my maid of honor in my wedding was right there to help once she heard the shocking news. She dropped everything once a week, sometimes twice a week to take me to doctor appointments and then out to lunch. She even went to a Feldenkrais class with me. She came to Hoag while I was in surgery and supported my husband. She helped me wash my hair the first time after the surgery and pampered me. She called me, emailed me and prayed for me. God gave her huge capacity to love on me during these months and I will forever be indebted to her and her family who gave us a place to escape for the day and not think about our lives. I love how it made us much closer!
Our help in time of need was definitely, Dawn Heinrich, our full time helper. She came in right before my surgery in October and she learned how to "be me". She did everything from homeschooling the kids to grocery shopping, laundry to running the kids around. She is a true servant always trying to help above and beyond what is needed. I will forever be in her debt because she did such an excellent job, I never needed to worry about anything. Thank you Dawn for "being Jesus" to me!
Once I had gone through the detox at OHI, my old friend from MOPS, Theresa Sharp, came to my rescue with food and nutrition help. Not only did her and her daughter, Jasmine, juice, cook and shop for me, but they helped me think through many of my health questions. She went to a cancer conference for me and took notes, getting me holistic information and CDs. She even did a blood analysis for me that was very interesting. She was my "go to" person to drive my kids everywhere during a time when I couldn't drive. Thank you Theresa for filling in so many places where I needed help!
Long time Inside/Out friends, Bradley and Cindy Kirk, were kind enough to show up at our doorstep on one of the first nights with dinner. Cindy was a huge help as she herself had traveled the breast cancer journey. I loaded her with tons of questions, and still do! She was also the one who set up my online meals calendar and communication on "Lots a Helping Hands". Bradley was a support as he showed up at my surgery and was the first one there to pray with us and help with a knowing look. Thank you for supporting me and loving me through this hard time!
Many of you brought meals through the months that helped so much! I am not going to name you all, but each of your meals was a bright spot in our day and something I didn't have to think about. My kids thought the food was wonderful since mom was only cooking healthy stuff before the surgery. A couple of friends who I can't leave the "speech" without mentioning are Tami, Carolyn and Tina. Tami Mangum, my deep thinking spontaneous friend, was a shoulder to lean on through much of this time. She watched my kids so many times, I can't even remember. She fed us many meals. She was just a pillar of grace and strength for me. Carolyn Olsen, long time Pepperdine friend, was having so many hard situations in her own life, but was able to still watch my kids, call and pray for me and even bring us meals. And Tina Bush, who would anonymously, bring meals to school and leave them frozen on my car for the "just in case" days. That was truly precious!
Honorable mentions: There were a group of you that gathered and prayed while I was in surgery at Hoag Hospital to support Bruce - my parents, Christina Landaas, John and Lisa Fox, Sheri Trupp, Bradley Kirk, Chuck and Judy Marshall and my brother Garrett. I was blessed to know you were all there praying for me. Many of my neighbors, who I do Bible study with in the summers, took me to most of my doctor appointments. I loved catching up with them and talking through life. One of them even decorated my front door with pumpkins in the fall when my dad died. There were so many friends who lived far away that wished they could have been here and they let me know. . . I wish you lived closer too.
I had quite a team of prayer warriors that I believe were answered with a miracle from the Lord. Thank you for praying for me so much and often! A couple of special friends stand out. Lolo Beshore prayed so much for me, I think it physically was too much for her. Sally Clarkson prayed for me at 5:00 a.m. as I was driving to the hospital and also called me ten minutes after my dad died without knowing it. The Lord used her to calm my heart and two different monumental moments. My mentor Jackie Johnson prayed for me and listened to me think through things. Thank you for your advice! My group of friends at Mom Heart Intensive Leadership Team prayed and texted me daily. I was covered in prayer. To my sister-in-law Amy your continued and many emails, cards and calls really lightened my days. Too all of you I cannot thank you enough for bowing a knee for me!
Last but not least, my parents. Thank you mom and dad for being a continued support and sounding board. Even though you couldn't be there much because dad was sick too, I knew you were thinking about me and praying for me. And to my in-laws thank you for always coming to help with the kids, especially when I got home from the hospital and the next two weeks when Bruce and I will have our first vacation away since all this has happened.
For those of you that have made it through this speech, God bless you! Whenever you do something like this, you forget someone. You just do! I have been working on it for the last couple of days hoping not to do that and I hope I didn't. But if I did, please forgive me! I am grateful for all that everyone has done! God bless you all!
