Bed Bugs and Cancer Cells, really?
Embarrassingly enough, last January we found out we had bed bugs. Did you just start itching when you read that? I know!
Bruce had traveled to a not so glamorous hotel (although you can get them anywhere) and came home with a critter or two. We never saw them until they took up residence in our home. We had never researched bed bugs or thought much about them. We would come home from a trip (and we do like to travel) and throw our luggage on our bed to unpack and then store the luggage under our bed until the next trip. Well in the world of bed bugs that is a big no-no.
At first, I was the one getting bit all the time and Bruce just thought I was imaging things because he was untouched. Until the night, he killed one on his face at 2:30 a.m. He tore apart the whole room and cleaned them up, showered and slept downstairs two hours later. Unfortunately, this scenario played out a couple of times and for a few months before we found them in the kids rooms. That was the last straw! We hired the pest exterminators next.
The big guns came in and heated the rooms to 138 degrees to kill the little suckers and then they spray. They come back a few weeks later and spray again. We hired an eco-friendly non-toxic company because of the chemicals we did not want to encounter. So we did this and we felt pretty sure they were gone, but we had a 30 day warranty just in case.
A couple of weeks later, the girls were bit again and so was I. Danika actually found one on her decorative pillow on Saturday morning. We are so glad she did so that we had proof that "they were back" and scheduled for them to come and heat up the place again.
I am telling you all the logistics, but then behind the scenes Bruce is convinced this is all spiritual warfare. He had just accepted the role of training to be an associate elder at our church, Mariners. He was certain that these little creatures were here to irritate us. I will have to ask God what their purpose in life ever was because I really don't see how they fit into the circle of life, but that would be another blog . . .
So around the same time in January, my holistic body scans began to show that I was making cancer cells again in my bone, breast, ovaries, and lungs. In the smallest minute forms, but over time they would create into larger masses (million of cancer cells) and we would see them in an ultrasound in a few years. So I have been going a couple times a month to combat this. I have done mud baths, lasers, biofeedback. supplements and other crazy remedies, but nothing seemed to be working. For five months, I struggled with this along with the anemia and it was tiring, overwhelming and discouraging. I was beginning to give up hope (as I shared in my last blog), but then we went to Forest Home Family Camp for Memorial Day.
Up at Forest Home, God shared many things with me. One of the moments, we as a family were praying for things in our lives, we had to make a "sculpture" to represent it. As the kids and we were making the sculpture of beg bugs and cancer cells, we realized how similar they looked. Cancer cells and bed bugs are similar in that in the beginning it is not that big of a deal. Most of us, don't even know when we start making cancer until there are so many of them - they show up - just like bed bugs. They feed on us and devour us - one from the outside and one from the inside. They are both extremely difficult to get rid of. They both consume your life as you are trying to get kill of them. Both of them effect your kids (and you!) in profound ways that frighten and leave us feeling vulnerable.
After showing me the similarities, God shared with me that the timing of the two were no accident. When the bed bugs were gone, then my cancer cells would be gone. So I began to hope that they would all be eradicated some day and trusted God in what he had shared.
Just last week, I went in for a routine check up with my oncologist and she said that my iron counts (while still low) were back in the normal range AND I had brought my estrogen from 400 down to 83! Now these had both been big prayer requests! I was beaming with happiness from ear to ear! Could I be healing?
The next day we had the bed bugs heated out of home again and sprayed. It slipped my mind about what I felt God said about the bed bugs and cancer cells, as I walked into the scanning biofeedback appointment the next day! And yes, did you guess it? I am no long making cancer cells!! Amazing and truly a blessing that I am grateful for each day! I feel stronger and more myself each morning!
I continue praying that the bed bugs and cancer cells stay gone . . . will you join me in that prayer? Thank you faithful friends! Now be careful when you travel . . . don't bring home any unwanted guests because they definitely overstay their welcome!
Ps. 103:1-5 "Bless the Lord, O my soul, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases; who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion; who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's"
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Building an Altar for the Forgetful
Two weekends ago, my family and I had the wonderful opportunity to attend Forest Home Memorial Day Family Camp for the 9th year in a row. I loved the chance to get away, breathe in the fresh air and be surrounded by God's beauty. Forest Home is a special place for me as God always speaks to me on that mountain top and it is the place Bruce decided to marry me. He wrote that moment down in one of the prayer books in the chapel - recorded forever in time.
The weekend was filled with wonderful speaking (from Jim Candy from Menlo Park Presbyterian), beautiful worship (Worship guys from Yorba Linda Friends Church), time spent playing cards with great friends, the lake day with the overly excited kids, lots of time at the Craft Shack to create and time to reflect on the last year.
On Saturday morning, we did a Family Adventure Walk. While most of the activities are physical challenges, there was one that stood out in my mind that was not. We built a monument to acknowledge the Lord and how He had answered prayer for us this year. Of course, there have been many answered prayers. We used rocks to build our little altar right near the path that we walked up every day that weekend. The kids enjoyed stacking the rocks and then we each prayed to thank Jesus for bringing Mommy thru cancer, for making me a miracle. I was blessed each time I saw the monument during our time there.
You might not believe it, but I have recently forgotten all that God has done for me in the last couple of months. Not that it was completely gone from my memory, more shoved in the back somewhere ("out of my frontal lobe", my kids would say). With my continuing health journey, I have become weary. My chemical imbalances (anemia, hormonal, etc.) lead me to a state of depression at times while definitely robbing the "I can do everything" attitude from me. I often times just want to sit, rest and do nothing. I lack the motivation of this once called "Energizer Bunny". Somewhere in the last couple of months, I have lost the grateful, joyful attitude I once had going through cancer. Just the day to day activities coupled with my lack of energy have really put me at a state of sheer survival. I wonder how many of you are there or have ever been there.
Being up at Forest Home really helped me stand back and look at everything . . . to remember . . . to be grateful . . . to trust . . . to have hope in the mighty God of the universe. I found that I desperately wanted a change in my life, but all I really needed to do was give the first part of the morning back to God in the form of time with Him. He has promised to redeem the time for me. How easy it was to let go of time with Him in the morning over the last couple of months because I needed my sleep and I simply lacked the motivation. It is hard for me to stop and hear Him once the day has begun. It just doesn't happen. Kids, activities, laundry, school, anything else fills in the rest of the hours. For me, my time with the Lord HAS to be in the morning. Oh, how I have missed Him . . . it feels good to be back in the routine of this again.
I also found that I was worrying. ME?? Yes! I didn't worry with cancer as much as I have the last couple of months because I am still challenged making cancer cells. But this constant strain is just a breeding ground for me to wake up in the middle of the night worrying. For me, all the verses about "Don't be anxious" has not really soothed me. You know all those verses too, but I tell what verse has stopped me worrying and trusting more. Eph. 3:20,21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"
So for me, "the medical miracle", I have to be honest in this walk I am having. I know that there must be others out there who have seen God work in their lives, yet forget Him and his great works as the days get long. Sad for me to say, but I sound like an Israelite wandering the desert. I do not want to be that person! So tonight I am grateful for mountain top experience where I can stop . . . reflect . . . and be grateful again. It feels good to be "back on track"!
The weekend was filled with wonderful speaking (from Jim Candy from Menlo Park Presbyterian), beautiful worship (Worship guys from Yorba Linda Friends Church), time spent playing cards with great friends, the lake day with the overly excited kids, lots of time at the Craft Shack to create and time to reflect on the last year.
On Saturday morning, we did a Family Adventure Walk. While most of the activities are physical challenges, there was one that stood out in my mind that was not. We built a monument to acknowledge the Lord and how He had answered prayer for us this year. Of course, there have been many answered prayers. We used rocks to build our little altar right near the path that we walked up every day that weekend. The kids enjoyed stacking the rocks and then we each prayed to thank Jesus for bringing Mommy thru cancer, for making me a miracle. I was blessed each time I saw the monument during our time there.
You might not believe it, but I have recently forgotten all that God has done for me in the last couple of months. Not that it was completely gone from my memory, more shoved in the back somewhere ("out of my frontal lobe", my kids would say). With my continuing health journey, I have become weary. My chemical imbalances (anemia, hormonal, etc.) lead me to a state of depression at times while definitely robbing the "I can do everything" attitude from me. I often times just want to sit, rest and do nothing. I lack the motivation of this once called "Energizer Bunny". Somewhere in the last couple of months, I have lost the grateful, joyful attitude I once had going through cancer. Just the day to day activities coupled with my lack of energy have really put me at a state of sheer survival. I wonder how many of you are there or have ever been there.
Being up at Forest Home really helped me stand back and look at everything . . . to remember . . . to be grateful . . . to trust . . . to have hope in the mighty God of the universe. I found that I desperately wanted a change in my life, but all I really needed to do was give the first part of the morning back to God in the form of time with Him. He has promised to redeem the time for me. How easy it was to let go of time with Him in the morning over the last couple of months because I needed my sleep and I simply lacked the motivation. It is hard for me to stop and hear Him once the day has begun. It just doesn't happen. Kids, activities, laundry, school, anything else fills in the rest of the hours. For me, my time with the Lord HAS to be in the morning. Oh, how I have missed Him . . . it feels good to be back in the routine of this again.
I also found that I was worrying. ME?? Yes! I didn't worry with cancer as much as I have the last couple of months because I am still challenged making cancer cells. But this constant strain is just a breeding ground for me to wake up in the middle of the night worrying. For me, all the verses about "Don't be anxious" has not really soothed me. You know all those verses too, but I tell what verse has stopped me worrying and trusting more. Eph. 3:20,21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"
So for me, "the medical miracle", I have to be honest in this walk I am having. I know that there must be others out there who have seen God work in their lives, yet forget Him and his great works as the days get long. Sad for me to say, but I sound like an Israelite wandering the desert. I do not want to be that person! So tonight I am grateful for mountain top experience where I can stop . . . reflect . . . and be grateful again. It feels good to be "back on track"!
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